DFWCon Query Gong Show: early morning edition

 Another great DFWCon literary conference in the books, with lots of classes and panels. But probably what readers are awaiting most anxiously are the results of the conference's famous -- maybe infamous -- Query Gong Show. 

For those unfamiliar with the conference this is a riff on the 1970's TV talent show in which contestants performed until judges stopped them by striking gongs. DFWCon's version with anonymous entries is less brutal.

The rules: writers submit their anonymous literary queries to a panel of agents and editors who strike table-top gongs to signal the point at which they would stop reading if receiving one of these queries in their own emails. Writers can get gonged once, even twice, without stopping the reading by DFW's mellifluously voiced George Goldthwaite. But three strikes and they're out!

The query contest has typically been the final day's afternoon event of the conference. This year, it was moved to first thing in the morning. Perhaps organizers hoped panelists would be less alert to query faults before they were adequately caffeinated.

If so, that hope was vain. Of the 10 queries read this past weekend, none survived the final gong.

Possibly because they read these posts, writers avoided some stumbling blocks from prior years. Queries for gazillion-word books were rare (or at least, less outrageous). Most writers seemed aware of their books' genre. In hopes of preventing still more literary tears, here are the most-frequent issues that doomed 2023's query hopefuls.

First -- the panelists. These were five agents, and one acquisitions editor: Cathie Hedrick-Armstrong of The Purcell Agency, T.S. Ferguson of Azantian Literary Agency, Lynnette Novak of The Seymour Agency, Jacqui Lipton of Tobias Literary Agency, Sara J. Henry of Crooked Lane Books, and Eloy Bleifuss of Janklow & Nesbit Associates.

By far the most gongs rang because the query took too long to get to what Lipton described as "the beating heart of the story."

"What's it about?" Henry asked about a similar query. "It just kept going."

Image by Prawny for Pixabay

Writers are understandably eager to get as many words as possible before an agent.

 But as Hedrick-Armstrong noted, she once received 1,000 queries in three days after accidentally opening, even though she posted no notification of accepting queries.

 Even if none of these exceeded the 300-word maximum I once heard a writing coach describe, reading them all would be the equivalent of getting halfway through War and Peace (described as nearly 600,000 words, although that may depend on the translation).

For literary queries, be short to be kind. Bleifuss suggested using no more than two short paragraphs to describe that "heart of the book."

This should include what Hedrick-Armstrong noted as the five essentials (also available at her Manuscript Wish List site):

1. Who is the main character?
2. What does the main character want?
3. What or who is standing in the main character's way of getting what they want?
4. What must the main character overcome to get what they want? 
5. What are the consequences of reaching that goal? What might they gain or lose?

Somewhat similar to these "stakes of the story" issues were failure to mention the story's genre and word count in queries. (Agents differed -- some wanted this information upfront; others were content to see it nearer the end.)

Excessive length was such a major sticking point, some agents said they would have kept reading despite additional issues, if only the query had told them what they needed to know more quickly. Among the tips, despite sheer wordiness, agents noted, "don't start with setting," "cut out filler words," and "no flowery language."

Issues gonged less frequently included:

• Querying for sequels or series of books. "Don't write the sequel if the first book doesn't sell well," Novak cautioned. (Most panelists were OK if an author mentioned that a first book was a stand-alone "with sequel/series potential.)
• Excessively high word counts for the genre, although agents varied. However, in debut novels, word counts outside of norms may indicate problems with pacing, Lipton said.
• Stories that seemed too familiar/stale/tropey. "Try to find a fresh perspective," Bleifuss urged.
• Objectification of female characters. 

Although panelists realized Gong Show entrants had no way of knowing who they would be addressing, the salutation "Dear Agent" hit sore spots from agents who've received similarly addressed queries too many times.

When addressing agents/editors, please use their names. And get them right.

Ferguson bemoaned the number of times he's been addressed as "T.J." (He's properly T.S. Ferguson.) And "don't call me Mr.," Henry said.

In fact, honorifics are tricky, especially if an agent/editor has not specifically indicated which they prefer, or if they are nonbinary individuals. Better to use simply "first name + last name" as indicated on the individual's or agency's website.

Again, all queries were anonymous. So, here's to revamping and sending to appropriate agents. (They probably won't even remember seeing the first version after doing their half-W&P worth of subsequent query readings.)