The myriad uses for our books’ query pitches

After listening to multiple agent gripes about literary query letters at the 2017 DFW Writers Conference gong show, and emerging weak-kneed from my own pitch session with a (very kind) agent, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know any more about the whole query/pitch topic. But I’d run across Annie Neugebauer as a blogger at Writer Unboxed, and title of her workshop, “Using the Query Pitch to Troubleshoot Your Novel,” was intriguing. And was glad I did.

image: wikimedia commons

Neugebauer is the most organized writer I’ve ever met. Her website includes multiple worksheets, many available free (although she welcomes donations via Paypal). And as a poet, novelist, and short story writer, her motto is not organization for its own sake, but as a framework for creativity.

She made a believer out of me – I’ll start to, in her words, “get over the fact that (pitches) suck and just do the work!”

First, a review of what a “pitch” in the literary sense is. (Would that gong show participants had had a chance to listen to Neugebauer before they submitted their sample queries!)

A pitch includes:

• Attention-grabber (hook)
• Essential premise (what’s necessary to make sense of the story)
• Protagonist, and his/her goal, motivation, obstacle, and stakes
• Antagonist and his/her goal, motivation, and stakes
• Supporting character, with motivation
• Closing hook, which may be a rhetorical question, such as “can she do it?” (At least one agent at the gong show disliked starting a query with a rhetorical question, so save this for the end, not the beginning of the query. And see my earlier post at this site for additional material in the body of the query.)

After outlining this pitch formula, Neugebauer invited workshop participants to fill in each of these from their own works. Did we end up with some blank spaces? No problem, just “embrace the ugh and master the skill, which translates directly to writing skills.

Like all skills, writing pitches takes work. Browse bookshelves, study the back-cover copy of the books, check out tips from query websites such as those of Query Shark, Nathan Bransford, Writer’s Digest, and Jane Friedman. Then practice – on our own books, friends’ books, already published books. Seek feedback from critique groups. Do more practice, more feedback. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Once mastered, the pitch can be used to:

• Sell – to agents, editors, readers
• To un-stick. “Once you’re familiar enough with the pitch pattern for it to feel natural. . . use it as a mental prompt to fill in any blanks in a current work in progress.
• Diagnose. A weak spot in the pitch usually means a weak spot in the book.

For instance, if the symptom is a pitch that sounds boring no matter how it’s framed, the diagnosis may be “meandering main character syndrome.” Prescription: strong doses of protagonist motivation, higher stakes, more obstacles, and more concrete goals.

For a book the writer can’t narrow into a cohesive pitch, the diagnosis is “sprawl disorder” – a too-scattered novel, whose prescription involves clarifying the story’s drive.

If the antagonist’s goal/motivation are unclear, he/she may suffer from “watch the world burn fever" (a subcategory of "cardboard cutout symdrome"), diseases requiring doses of believable motivations and stronger goals.

Remember, Neugebauer said, an "antagonist" doesn't have to be a villain, simply someone who stands between the protagonist and his/her goal. And even if the antagonist is nature, or an inanimate force, there's usually a human being who can be used to personify that force.

Finally, use the pitch to prepare, to come up with usable new ideas, and plots for existing ideas. And promise, “I will not ever, ever, write a book without writing my pitch first!”

Wordcraft – Eek! The interviewer hasn’t read my book!

Last Tuesday’s post was all about promoting our books in interviews with the media. Dr.Katherine “Kat” Smith, herself both an author and a media personality, prepared attendees at the spring workshop of the Writers’ Guild of Texas for the shock of actually selling our books. And although “selling” is nearly a dirty word to writers how, Smith asked, do we expect to ever be bestselling authors unless we sell?

While we prepare by following her tips for making contacts with audio and visual media discussed week, let’s take preparation a step further. Consider what happens when we actually find ourselves face to face (or phone to phone) with a TV, radio or Internet talk show host.

Smith started early by dispelling one of what she called “the most common misconception about media”: it doesn’t exist to provide free publicity for authors. What talk show hosts look for are entertaining and compelling stories for their audience. Oh, and a time-conscious story. Because while authors are talking, the host is keeping an eye on the clock, looking to the next commercial break, looking toward the next story on her schedule. And, believe it or not, she doesn’t have time to read the book!

Not to panic. After all, we don’t expect readers to have read our books before they grab them off the shelf. Instead, we make it easy for readers to take that step with our cannily-crafted book blurbs and endorsements (See March 1, 2016’s post “Cozy up to a mystery at Henery Press” for how-to’s). Let’s make it easy for our TV or radio or Internet hosts to buy into our books as well with canny press releases such as FAQs/readers guides included in the media kits on our site (see March 22, 2016’s Writers: prepare for our closeups!”). Or consider creating a press release of “Top 10” lists about our books. Or write an interview with yourself.

So now we’ve got our press releases ready to send out. Who do we send them to?

Smith advises against buying “cold call” lists of media hosts. They’re expensive, and who knows when they were last updated? We need to research media hosts ourselves to find those who talk about the things we love and write about.

Once we’ve made contact, we need to be sure to make ourselves reachable. Remember last Tuesday’s discussion of media kits? Always, always, provide contact information. And follow up, especially by returning phone calls. “I can’t believe how many people don’t return phone calls,” Smith said.

Once we're invited, in case it isn't obvious, we need to show up and be on time, dressed and groomed appropriately for the show and its audience. And speaking of grooming, there’s the issue of makeup, more delicate perhaps for the men than the women. High definition cameras are horrible, Smith warns, and studio lights are hot. Women should get their makeup done professionally beforehand. Men need to find a powder in their skin shade, “and if you have a mustache, remember to comb the powder out of it.” And don’t count on being offered a makeup room. Bring a small pocket mirror and check yourself before going on camera.

And because we'll want pictures or video to add to our media kits, we need to have access afterward to the interview footage. Ask for a copy, but just in case, set up a DVR or have a friend record it.

But what if, a workshop member asked, we freeze up on a question? What if we don’t understand the question? What if we don’t know the answer? Smith’s suggestions, “Can you rephrase that questions?” Or “I’m not sure about that, but I’ll tell you what. . . .” Or in case of embarrassment, “Oh, that made me blush, but my character. . . ”

And always, smile. Because on camera or not, a smile always shows!